Sometimes its hard to keep one's sanity when faced with everlasting deadlines..
well this is just my scribbles on how busy I've been in my work for the past months.
Maybe everybody's experiencing the same thing or even maybe even experiencing worse than me.
Actually, I really enjoy my work.. but some times when there's just too much to handle, my mind just can't take it..
A colleague once told me that he was always looking for opportunities to get mutations to other Dept, coz he was just fed up with the pressure and the workload . Back then I thought.. is it really that bad? or was he just bored being in the same position for more than 5 years.
Well for the past few months, I did get a taste of the workload.. It slapped me hard in the face. Part of me sometimes kinda blames this workload for the misscarriage that happened.. Although no proof whatsoever.. I guess I just needed something to blame.
Well the boiling point was right before my so called "escape" after I had my misscarriage.
I decided to go to Bandung for a litte vacation. But before going there I had to finish all my deadlines.. and it was chaos..
Apart from still feeling kinda down from my misscarriage I had to really focus on finishing some task..
That left me making some silly mistakes on my work which I have not done before.. such as faxing a letter that have not been signed yet.. Luckily it can mediated pretty quick..
Then the next freaky thing was that I dreamt I was working then suddenly I was chased by a Bull.. yups A Big Bad Bull... that never happened before .. LOL
eventually I was able to ride the bull in my dream.. yes supposed I have already tamed it.. haha
The dream happened after the vacation to Bandung, but right before I had to go on a business trip to Jakarta. The period between was also chaotic :(
Another thing that really makes me a bit gloomy in work was also some work related discrimination that happened during the period, in which sometimes we are not given the same opportunity with other colleages when we know we can do it equally. We work just as hard, and just as professional, but yeah.. discrimination and unequal opportunities happen once in a while which is enough to take my mood down.
These things that sometimes gives me the boost to update my CV.. hahahaha..
But not this year I guess :)
Back to the dream...
Gosh I really hate it when I have a work related dream.. well it shows in my subconcious mind that, its the thing I was unconciously thinking before bedtime.. It gives me guilty feeling that evan in my 24 hours of daily live.. my work takes a massive portion of it :(.
I do wish I dreamt of like cooking or playing with my daughter.. which in real life lacking :(
Another senior colleage also once told me.. that when working, and faced with obstacles.. never take it to your heart.. because things like this.. Being chased by deadlines, get told off by you boss, and having work related dissapointment.. always happen once in a while.. And we need to keep our sanity..
Moreover being a woman.. being a mother we have many other things to worry about, we have other Bulls in live other that the work Bull .
Luckily the work load finally settles a bit .. coz its the fasting month, and I guess the Bull is also slowing down.
Will have Eid holiday soon, and hopefully this time I can really get a real breather from the work.
All of the workload and the recovery period after misscarriage made me less and less in the kitchen.. I dont cook everyday like I used to..
well I am just counting down the days where my nanny who can cook will stay with us.
After Eid, she will get married and I will be "cook less" .
So right now I am just enjoying the privilidge while it last.
