Being Parents Part 1

Well, it's been 17 months since I have become a mommy.. It's not easy, it's truly hardwork, but it's also very rewarding.
Honestly right now, I am still learning the basic of parenting. My child is just 17 months old and I can't say whether or not I have done a good job or a bad job.

Day by day, all I have tried to do is just get pass each day, with my child being healthy, she eats right and adequate, she plays safely and happily.. She gains weight... arrrrrrggghhhh.. this one is so hard :(, and how she meets her motoric milestones
As for the character building and educational aspects.. I still dont have a clue. I noticed some parents already have plans for their litte ones, they have plans on where their little one will go to school to, what style or line of education will their child pursue, etc. They seem (or it looks like) that they have everything figured out for their child. They already planned which college their child will attend.. wooow thumbs up to them :)

Well, as for planning, for us its just some financial planning right now; we have saved some money for our childs future education but as for what kinda education she will have is not yet decided.. Time is ticking, in no time she'll turn 2 and then 3 years old and we have to make up our mind sooner or later about education. Clueless.. :(

24 hours a day for me a working mom, is sometimes just not enough to think about all the future planning stuff.. I barely have time just to cook her meals, and most of the time I just have no idea of what kinda food to serve for her.
Yes right, sometimes I wonder I have become a stay at home mom, maybe I would have more time thinking and planning for my child's future.. Instead of being in the office spending my time thinking about my responsibilities. But no one can guarantee that.. maybe I'll just be as occupied or even more occupied with household chores.

Actually if I am asked what I wish for my child.. I just want her to be healthy and happy.. and also I want her to be a friendly and generous person. It has not yet crossed my mind that I-for instance- want her to be a doctor, or an engineer, or a successful business woman. I dont want to put any pressure on her.

Maybe this is somewhat influenced by the way I was brought up. Not blaming my parents of their parenting principles, but I felt now, even as an adult, I still havent found what my true passion is. I still cant say for sure and for certain that my job or my chosen career right now is the right one for me. See when I was a child , I had to study hard, and my dad always told me to try to achieve the 1st rank in class.. I did and I put my effort in that, up till my college graduation, I always come in top ten rank and even sometimes top of the class.. This is not bragging, but it is a fact that that was a goal for my parents. Actually I am thankful for that, because it has made my life easier in landing on good jobs. But actually it has repressed my creative side. Maybe... just maybe actually I was meant to be a writer.. or a painter, or a violinist :).. not an employee (hahahaha.. ngimpi.com)

Thats what I wanna avoid when raising my child, I want her to explore every possibility of her future.. not just the common path , but also the other more creative side. Maybe a little part of me don't want her to be like me. Still not knowing my true passion after all these years.

Dont get me wrong.. I enjoy my job, and I put my best and dedicate myself to my job. But I want her to know that life is more than just a good job with great salary. There's more to the world than just that. yeah maybe a want her to be somebody in Nat Geo chanel.. exploring the true amazing world.. not working behind a desk :D

But again.. I am clueless on how I can lead her to that path..since my time with her is also very limited sometimes. But maybe if she takes after me.. then she will be a geek... hehehehe, just like I was.. a study oriented girl :)
Hopefully in time I will have more reference on how I can be just a great parent for her. In time , I am also hoping parenting instict will lead me there.

The point is while I try to teach her the basics of our values, like religion and moral values. I dont wanna dictate her on her likes and dislikes later.. not to dictate on her preference of subjects or interest.. I will let her bloom to her full potential. As Kahlil Gibran said about parent being a bow ; as a parent I want to be a bow , and my child the arrow. I will point at a direction, but no one can guarantee the direction of the wind and where the arrow will land.

May God help me :)